Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Grace and peace

Grace and peace to you . . . In a couple of weeks we're going to celebrate the resurrection because as far as we know, the tomb is empty . . . If you're joining us for the first time, we're thrilled that you are with us. If you're going through a difficult time, grace and peace to you. If you came through the doors loaded down with a sense of your own inadequacy: grace. Grace and peace. If you had some sort of experience this week in which you were sent strong messages that you aren't good enough, thin enough, fast enough, strong enough, wealthy enough, whatever: grace. Grace and peace. Grace and peace. For us here, everything at the center of what we do is about this Jesus, who God has given us to rescue us and redeem us and save us and remind us that we're loved, not because of how great or moral or spiritual or selfless we are but because God has expressed ultimate love to us in the the resurrected Christ so we can say to each other grace and peace.
This is why I love Rob Bell.

I feel loaded down with a sense of my own inadequacy. I have been sent strong messages that I'm not good enough or attractive enough lately. This quarter is like the exact opposite of last quarter.

I didn't get an interview from the first place I applied for an internship. Other people got calls today from the Mayor's Office for their interviews there and I haven't got one yet. Given my first at-bat, it makes me nervous. I did so poorly on my Org Theory mid-term that I'm actually embarrassed to tell people about it. My Org Theory paper got graded down, not because of content but because of my writing.

I've lost all confidence in my ability to succeed at school. Whether that's reasonable or not, it's true. I have gotten so many compliments on my writing that I've begun to associate being good at it with self-worth. So, when I couldn't translate that skill to class or cover letter and I don't really know how to fix it, I felt and continue to feel pretty inadequate.

But Rob Bell says to me, "grace and peace."

Grace is forgiveness for not being good enough.

Peace is the result of believing that I'm loved just the way I am.

I cried a little on Jackson and State when I heard those words.

Grace and peace.

I'm still stymied here as I sit down to write my second paper. But I'll try to remember grace so that I can feel peace and get something typed.

Lorinda sent me a picture of a sleeping 4-month-old Conrad with the message, "resting up for post finals play."

Grace and peace.

I just need people to keep saying it to me.

Grace and peace.

1 comment:

Christy said...

Just reading that Rob Bell quote to myself was uplifting. Make it your mantra for a while.

By the way, I think you kick all sorts of ass. And I haven't even spoken to you for over a decade (if ever, actually).